Just be.

Unlike my sisters, I have never been career driven.  In fact in my final year of High School, had you asked me what I wanted to be, you’d have received a different answer depending on what day it was or whether I’d watched Ally McBeal, C.S.I or Sex and the City the night before.

That time I was recruited to be a CSI, ha

When I was choosing my final subjects at High School, my guidance teacher asked me what I wanted to be, I said a teacher.  I don’t know why I said that, I did not want to be a teacher it was just the first thing that came into my head that wouldn’t provoke disapproving looks from both him and my mother who sat next to me.  I still don’t know what’s wrong with wanting to work in the coffee shop I worked in at the time? Or being a roadie for 50cent?…. I can just imagine my mothers face if I’d actually said that. Haha jokes!
I am by no means blowing my own trumpet but I left school with 6 Highers without trying, I barely studied, I failed to hand homework in on time, on occasion I skipped class.  I just was not interested in school at all!  My teachers and my parents would get frustrated with me, I guess they knew I could have done well if I’d actually applied myself. Sorry Mum!

From the subjects I studied at the time (Engligh, Maths, French, Chemistry, Music & Art) I said Art was my favourite, probably because it involved less concentration and effort which is why I ended up at University studying Interior Architecture (not teaching, lol).  I can’t really remember if I really wanted to go to Uni, if it was just because my friends were going or it felt like that’s the thing you do after High School but off I went.  I liked my course but again I didn’t really make as much effort as I probably could have.  I loved the social life at uni, I loved the class trips (Paris, Rome, Barcelona & NYC) and after 4 years studying…well not so much of the studying, I left with my degree.

I sort of landed myself a job as an Assistant Interior Designer for a company in Edinburgh and it was there I learned how much I lacked that ambition that everyone else in the industry had.  The girls I worked with had a career plan they knew what they wanted and they were going to get it.  I just didn’t have that passion.  Don’t get me wrong I went to work everyday and did my job to a high standard but I wasn’t competitive enough  by nature to work in the design industry.  I was told this many times at University, I knew this already though.  I was never the kid that cried if I didn’t win because I honestly just didn’t ever care enough.  At work my boss would take glory for my ideas and it really didn’t bother me, I let her.  I hated being front line I’d much rather be a minion in the background.  I definitely am not one of those natural leader types.

When the company relocated to Hong Kong I didn’t jump at the chance to move with them like the others.  I quit.  I got a job in my hometown in an office “just until I found another in my chosen field”….except I didn’t even bother looking and I still work in that office now 10 years later.  I don’t love my job but I don’t hate it.  I work hard, I am a good employee (blowing my own trumpet again)but I’m really not passionate about what I do.  To me it’s a job, a way to pay the bills and allow me to enjoy my free time.

I’ve never been driven by money or success.  People judge me on this but I don’t care, people are genuinely shocked when I say I don’t have a 5 year plan, I never have.  An ex actually broke up with me for it.  He put his life on hold to prioritise and achieve his dream and couldn’t understand why I didn’t have the fire in my belly to do the same.  I guess we were both at complete opposite ends of the scale. Haha.

Money, possessions and success are not important to me.  I practice gratitude daily, not because I follow any type of holistic lifestyle but because I grew up living with with someone who has poor health and inturn a poor quality of life so it’s hard not be grateful every damn day and I believe this to be the reason I am happy to just be.   Gratitude is the key to happiness guys!

Kevin on the other hand has his own business, since I’ve known him that’s what he’s wanted.  In his free time he drives a race car and I know that if money was no option that is what he would want to do every day.  He is so passionate about it that I know it’ll hurt when he has to give it up when we have a mortgage to pay.  As much as I sometimes complain that his race car is a time consuming, money-eating hobby, I do love to see how happy it makes him when he stands on that podium and takes his trophy.

Just last week when we were discussing him giving up racing at the end of the season he said to me.  “Have you never had something you were really passionate about?” ……No, not really!

I laughed after I said no because it reminded me of when my friend was dating she would text me a colour based on her first impressions of her date. eg. Beige=Average,Boring.  Red=Hot, interesting.  Am I beige? Am I really not that interested in anything?

I know a few of the Olympians in Rio  with Team GB at the moment.  I wonder how they feel reaching goals they’ve been working for their whole lives and I honestly can’t comprehend wanting something so badly that you sacrifice so much of your life to achieve it. Kudos to them, they are all an absolute inspiration.  Side note: go follow Usain Bolt on snapchat he makes me smile every freaking day.

So here I am currently pondering all the things that I love, trying to find out if there is something that makes me tick? Something that could potentially become a hobby that I’m truly passionate about or a career that feels like my calling.  Am I missing out on things in life because of this lack of interest? I don’t feel like I am but how do I know?  I read everywhere about people who quit corporate jobs they have worked for years to become a yoga teacher, people who sell their homes and possessions to travel the world and let’s be honest social media is pretty much filled with cheesy inspiration quotes advising us to chase our dreams….what if you don’t have one?

Or maybe I am I just reading too much into it all….

Hmmmm….

Do you have a career or hobby that you are really passionate about?

Did you aim to achieve goals from a young age? Or did you find your passion later in life?

Thanks so much for reading 😊

Have a fabulous weekend❤️

Angela xo