Just be.

Unlike my sisters, I have never been career driven.  In fact in my final year of High School, had you asked me what I wanted to be, you’d have received a different answer depending on what day it was or whether I’d watched Ally McBeal, C.S.I or Sex and the City the night before.

That time I was recruited to be a CSI, ha

When I was choosing my final subjects at High School, my guidance teacher asked me what I wanted to be, I said a teacher.  I don’t know why I said that, I did not want to be a teacher it was just the first thing that came into my head that wouldn’t provoke disapproving looks from both him and my mother who sat next to me.  I still don’t know what’s wrong with wanting to work in the coffee shop I worked in at the time? Or being a roadie for 50cent?…. I can just imagine my mothers face if I’d actually said that. Haha jokes!
I am by no means blowing my own trumpet but I left school with 6 Highers without trying, I barely studied, I failed to hand homework in on time, on occasion I skipped class.  I just was not interested in school at all!  My teachers and my parents would get frustrated with me, I guess they knew I could have done well if I’d actually applied myself. Sorry Mum!

From the subjects I studied at the time (Engligh, Maths, French, Chemistry, Music & Art) I said Art was my favourite, probably because it involved less concentration and effort which is why I ended up at University studying Interior Architecture (not teaching, lol).  I can’t really remember if I really wanted to go to Uni, if it was just because my friends were going or it felt like that’s the thing you do after High School but off I went.  I liked my course but again I didn’t really make as much effort as I probably could have.  I loved the social life at uni, I loved the class trips (Paris, Rome, Barcelona & NYC) and after 4 years studying…well not so much of the studying, I left with my degree.

I sort of landed myself a job as an Assistant Interior Designer for a company in Edinburgh and it was there I learned how much I lacked that ambition that everyone else in the industry had.  The girls I worked with had a career plan they knew what they wanted and they were going to get it.  I just didn’t have that passion.  Don’t get me wrong I went to work everyday and did my job to a high standard but I wasn’t competitive enough  by nature to work in the design industry.  I was told this many times at University, I knew this already though.  I was never the kid that cried if I didn’t win because I honestly just didn’t ever care enough.  At work my boss would take glory for my ideas and it really didn’t bother me, I let her.  I hated being front line I’d much rather be a minion in the background.  I definitely am not one of those natural leader types.

When the company relocated to Hong Kong I didn’t jump at the chance to move with them like the others.  I quit.  I got a job in my hometown in an office “just until I found another in my chosen field”….except I didn’t even bother looking and I still work in that office now 10 years later.  I don’t love my job but I don’t hate it.  I work hard, I am a good employee (blowing my own trumpet again)but I’m really not passionate about what I do.  To me it’s a job, a way to pay the bills and allow me to enjoy my free time.

I’ve never been driven by money or success.  People judge me on this but I don’t care, people are genuinely shocked when I say I don’t have a 5 year plan, I never have.  An ex actually broke up with me for it.  He put his life on hold to prioritise and achieve his dream and couldn’t understand why I didn’t have the fire in my belly to do the same.  I guess we were both at complete opposite ends of the scale. Haha.

Money, possessions and success are not important to me.  I practice gratitude daily, not because I follow any type of holistic lifestyle but because I grew up living with with someone who has poor health and inturn a poor quality of life so it’s hard not be grateful every damn day and I believe this to be the reason I am happy to just be.   Gratitude is the key to happiness guys!

Kevin on the other hand has his own business, since I’ve known him that’s what he’s wanted.  In his free time he drives a race car and I know that if money was no option that is what he would want to do every day.  He is so passionate about it that I know it’ll hurt when he has to give it up when we have a mortgage to pay.  As much as I sometimes complain that his race car is a time consuming, money-eating hobby, I do love to see how happy it makes him when he stands on that podium and takes his trophy.

Just last week when we were discussing him giving up racing at the end of the season he said to me.  “Have you never had something you were really passionate about?” ……No, not really!

I laughed after I said no because it reminded me of when my friend was dating she would text me a colour based on her first impressions of her date. eg. Beige=Average,Boring.  Red=Hot, interesting.  Am I beige? Am I really not that interested in anything?

I know a few of the Olympians in Rio  with Team GB at the moment.  I wonder how they feel reaching goals they’ve been working for their whole lives and I honestly can’t comprehend wanting something so badly that you sacrifice so much of your life to achieve it. Kudos to them, they are all an absolute inspiration.  Side note: go follow Usain Bolt on snapchat he makes me smile every freaking day.

So here I am currently pondering all the things that I love, trying to find out if there is something that makes me tick? Something that could potentially become a hobby that I’m truly passionate about or a career that feels like my calling.  Am I missing out on things in life because of this lack of interest? I don’t feel like I am but how do I know?  I read everywhere about people who quit corporate jobs they have worked for years to become a yoga teacher, people who sell their homes and possessions to travel the world and let’s be honest social media is pretty much filled with cheesy inspiration quotes advising us to chase our dreams….what if you don’t have one?

Or maybe I am I just reading too much into it all….

Hmmmm….

Do you have a career or hobby that you are really passionate about?

Did you aim to achieve goals from a young age? Or did you find your passion later in life?



Thanks so much for reading 😊

Have a fabulous weekend❤️

Angela xo

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12 thoughts on “Just be.

  1. Interesting post. I actually don’t even know what to say to it, haha. I definitely feel like I’m goal oriented and I would LOVE to give up everything and just go travel, but Jon would never do that. If I could go back in time, I wish I would have just traveling, picked strawberries in Australia, lived on a farm in Europe somewhere, and just traveled and made enough money to get by for a few years. But I feel like it’s normal not have passions. Jon has things he dabbles in that he enjoys, but there isn’t one particular thing that stands out that he’s passionate about. He does have career goals, but I think it’d be nice to be more like you. Just kind of go with the flow! Although people probably are pretty happy when they achieve their goals and I’m happy when I take a trip, I also spend a lot of time yearning for that time when I get to pursue my travels. You’re probably a lot more content in general that dream chasers.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I guess if money was not an issue I’d travel too and I often say ‘I’d love to visit here or there’ but it doesn’t consume me the way it does my sister, she works, sleeps and breathes travel. I kinda wish I had done the whole backpacking thing when I was younger too as it’s definitely not something Kevin would join me in now.
      My parents and friends think I’m crazy, like I’ve thrown away opportunities when it comes to a career but if it wasn’t what I wanted then I don’t really see it as a missed opportunity. My mum hates my go with the flow attitude, haha. My friends see my contentment as ‘settling’.
      I hadn’t ever thought of it much before, as I am happy, but the emotions on the Olympians faces when they get that gold and even Kevin when he gets in his race car, it’s seems MORE than happy.

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      1. But those are fleeting moments of elation. You work SO hard for those moments that only last so long, and while you’ll remember it forever and have that memory, the fact that you won a gold in the Olympics isn’t going to make you happy forever. If you are content with what you have and don’t strive for more, then you won’t be disappointed or let down. I don’t know. I think maybe you’re doing it right!

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  2. Wow. That is such an interesting post for me because it is a perspective I had never considered. In a lot of ways I feel like I have too many things I’m passionate about and feel called to do. It’s gotten to the point that at times I have my hands in soooooo much (music, writing, photography, film, fashion) that when I look back at it all I realize I’ve never really focused on one main thing and accomplished it fully, the way I dreamed I would when I initially pursued it. Another thing about me is I went from high school to college knowing exactly what I wanted to do, or so I thought, then I dropped out cus i realized i hated it annndd who has time for that? I’ve seen so many people who are “successful” by all societies standards and they are dying everyday because they lack passion for what they do. I never wanted that. If I’m going to spend 60%of my life on something it better be something I love… it just turns out I love a lot of things (smiles) so many years later, albeit no college degree and still very artsy I made my own niche for myself so I never feel like I’m working, I’m just living and I’m happy. But even if my passions werent apart of my career id still make time for them because it rejuvenates me. I believe passion and love for something will always take you further and bring you more joy. So maybe im not as rich as my friend who went on to be a lawyer or my ex who works in finances but I’m rich enough even if it’s just in fufillment. So to you, I think whatever your passion is its probably been staring you right in the face for so long you don’t even recognize it. Often they are the things we naturally do and the things we naturally long for that we don’t even notice they’re presence. You’ll figure it out girlie… if for anything contentment and gratitude could be what your most passionate about in its self ….and if you ask me those are some pretty good passions. 😊

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  3. When I was a child, I used to tell people that I would go to college just to have a degree, to please my family, but that I would marry a rich man and be a stay at home mom. Then in my pre-teens I wanted to become a vet or a doctor. In high school it was a question. Architect? Teacher? Who knew. In college, I was undeclared for two years and then I chose math because I thought I wanted to be an architect and math gave me other career opportunities if it failed. Turns out that I hated architecture and it’s a good thing because in the US, architects have the highest unemployment rate out of any professional career. Technology is killing the career. So I went on to be a civil engineer in hopes to work as a structural engineer, I hated my structural professors that it killed the dream. Now here I am working as a pseudo-engineer for a government contractor about to start graduate school in structural engineering because well, it pays well. This is America where if you are below upper class, you can’t afford anything.

    Do I want to continue being an engineer? I think everday the no answer grows a little stronger. What do I want? I want to work but I don’t want to be a slave. Honestly, I would prefer to work part-time rather than the bullshit of over 40 hours a week with only two weeks of paid vacation (well, I work government jobs so I get a little bit more vacation than the average American).

    I don’t know, I just don’t know. I get passionate about things but I have such a short attention span that those passions mean absolutely nothing. I’m not passionate about a career, I don’t think that I can truly be happy working full-time. I don’t think that life is for me.

    It’s funny, I heard something like: in high school you want to change the world, in college you want to slightly contribute to the change, by the age of 25 you’re hoping you can afford bread.

    A lot of us are in the same boat as you. I think some of us have such a broad interest that we rather spread ourselves everywhere instead of just one thing and that is perfectly okay.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. …in high school you want to change the world, in college you want to slightly contribute to the change, by the age of 25 you’re hoping you can afford bread. SO TRUE!
      Yeah I guess in a way we are all slaves to society when it comes to work…even if you are passionate about your job, Kevin is passionate about his job but being self employed he works 50+ hours a week and never fully switches off, even on vacation!! That’s not a life!
      Yeah you are right, maybe it’s best to have several things you enjoy rather than one thing that consumes you!

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  4. You and I are very similar with this mindset. I truly believe life is meant to be lived in a way that makes us happy. Sure, we should be able to support ourselves, but if that means working at the coffee shop and figuring out your own way to save for emergencies then so be it. I have accepted that I am the kind of person that will jump around from job to job until maybe one day something sticks, but if not so be it! Life can be beautiful if we allow it to be.

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  5. We are exactly the same. It’s weird for me to look around and see people so passionate about things like accounting and I have no idea how anyone could get excited about that. And it doesn’t help when the whole world is saying, “Find your passion!” because they don’t understand that it’s not so easy for people like us. Thanks for writing this. Made me feel normal haha

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  6. Ha! One of my sisters is an accountant!!
    I know…follow your dreams, do what you love and you’ll never work a day again, rainbows and unicorns blah blah blah!
    I’ll never be one to inspire but I’m glad I could make you feel normal, haha! 🙂

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  7. Separated at birth. Am turning 20 in July, doing a degree course i am not interested in, but i still want to be 50 other things..like a writer, a humanitarian, a fureeeeakin scientist, a poet…and 50 others..lol
    And the money point..yeeaahh..me again:-D

    Loved this!
    .

    Like

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